-holds up drenched spiderman hankey-

spider snot, spider snot;
This-is~ the best, thing I bought.

A Guide to Recognising Your Lokis

loki-of-sassgaard:

Siege Loki?  Simonson Loki?  AOA Loki?  What do these things even mean?  How many Lokis are there?  Well, that depends on how you look at it.

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Behold, Loki from 1949!  I think he was pretending to be Satan or something?  I’m actually not entirely certain, since these comics are ridiculously difficult to find.  Actually, the fact that he was pretending to be Satan can carry some really strange implications with the recent Loki/Daimon ship that came about from Journey into Mystery.  IDK, it’s weird, and no-one ever talks about this Loki.  Probably because he’s old as balls, and reading Venus is like getting your hands on the Holy Grail, the Arc of the Covenant, and the Golden Fleece all at once.

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Silver Age Loki, in all his pineapple-butted glory.  Thanks to the Comics Code, he was hilariously one-dimensional, and wanted only to destroy Thor.  He was pretty jealous of Thor, but it’s hard to blame him when Odin was saying in every other issue that Thor was his favourite son, and that Loki was evil.  If ever there was a villain who became a villain because nobody loved him, this is your guy.

He was also hilariously terrible with the ladies, but he thought otherwise.  He couldn’t be in a scene with a woman without calling her “Female.”  Rude.

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In 1977, Walt Simonson started pencilling The Mighty Thor.  That’s a name to remember.  Also noteworthy is Loki’s costume change.  Gone are the horns, replaced with a diadem that will come back much, much later.  Some might call this version Simonson Loki, but I hesitate.  Simonson only pencilled the comics for a short while, before going on to other things.

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In 1983, Walt Simonson returned to write for the Mighty Thor.  This was a guy who really got Loki.  The Comics Code was still in place, but this was when we really started to see Loki shine.  Simonson Loki was snarky and funny, and yeah, he still wanted to destroy Thor and all that was good about Asgard, but this was around the time I stopped laughing ironically because it was hilariously awkward, and started laughing because it was genuinely funny.

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And then the 90s happened.  It was an awkward time for everybody.  I never see anyone posting anything about this arc.  Probably because it was awful.  The 90s were a strange time for comics in general, though.  At least he got his horns back.

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For a little while, anyway.  In 2004, Disassembled happened.  This is like, pre-Lady Loki.  Basically, Loki caused Ragnarök and then Thor decided to just fuck it and let everyone die, and it was kind of weird in a “didn’t see that coming” sort of way.  This is also the second time Loki got his head removed and lived to tell about it.  Thor just pulls it right off.  It’s hilarious.

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Ah, yes.  Lady Loki.  This was not actually Loki as a lady.  He still identified as a man, used male pronouns, and was only presenting as a lady because he bodysnatched Sif, leaving her soul in the body of a dying old woman who couldn’t speak.  Ever since the Silver Age, it’s been known that Loki could shapeshift into the form of a woman, so basically this was just one giant act of dickitude.  Because he could.  And because he knew it would piss off everyone.

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This led directly to Siege Loki.  Black nails, furs, weird bondage rings on his clothes.  That’s Siege Loki.  The Siege of Asgard was Loki’s doing, and his undoing.  This is the bastard that killed Bill Jr.  He gave Asgardians to Dr Doom for vivisection.  And that whole thing with Asgardia falling from the sky and crashing down to the Oklahoma plain?  All Loki.  And then he sacrificed himself to a cosmic horror to save everyone from it all.  Go figure.

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That brings us to Kid Loki.  After Loki sacrificed himself, his soul went neither to Hel nor Valhalla, thanks to a deal that got his name erased from Hela’s books.  When Thor got depressed and decided he wanted his brother back, he managed to track down Loki’s soul to France, where he found Loki in the body of a 12-year-old boy.  Usually when Thor frees an Asgardian’s soul from the body he finds it in, the Asgardian in question reappears in their original body.  Not this time.  Loki remained in the body of the young boy, and retained only the memories of Loki up until that point.  He didn’t remember any of the crimes Evil Loki (collective for all of the above) had committed.  He just remembered that he had an older brother, whom he adored.

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Ikol, a magpie.  Also the spirit of Evil Loki.  Or a copy of the spirit, more accurately.  Also probably only a manifestation that existed solely in Kid Loki’s mind.  He advised Loki on how to proceed through several schemes, and berated his lack of evilness.  When Kid Loki outlived his usefulness, he was made to eat the magpie, allowing the copy of Evil Loki to kill Kid Loki and take over the body.

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Young Avengers Kid Loki, though generally still referred to as Kid Loki.  The adorable little boy he once was is dead, and this Loki wants only to steal Billy Kaplan’s power and eat bacon.

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He’s also haunted by his own guilty conscience, which takes the form of the ghost of Kid Loki.  Kid Loki’s Ghost is the vaguely green one.  Apparently the existence of Kid Loki’s Ghost makes it impossible for Loki to be truly evil.  Because apparently he’s never had a conscience before, and now that he has one, he’s not sure what to do with it.

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Eventually, Loki tricked Billy into helping him get a hot new body, thinking it would solve all his magic problems (it didn’t).  He’s had quite a few names already, but the ones that have stuck are Young Loki and AOA Loki.  Eventually, he apparently came to terms with the guilty conscience that was preventing his magic from working, and started working toward fixing his reputation.  Young Loki doesn’t want to be evil, and he doesn’t want to be full of hate and rage like his former self.  He’s so sweet, and so earnest, and he’s so obviously going to die horribly.  I’m going to cry.

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Oh, yes.  There’s also Old Loki.  Old Loki may or may not be another copy.  Or maybe he really is Siege Loki this time.  One thing’s for certain, he is here to fuck everything up for Young Loki, and it’s going to be glorious.  I can’t wait.

This more or less wraps up 616.  There are other versions, but these are the important ones.  You’ve got the hilariously one-dimensional Loki from Son of Asgard, for instance.  That comic was just awful, though.  Don’t read it.

The following Lokis have nothing to do with the above:

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Then there’s Blood Brothers Loki.  This Loki overthrew Asgard, imprisoned all who stood against him, and had no idea what to do next.  Turns out, ruling Asgard wasn’t really what he wanted at all.  Of course, by the time he realises that, it’s too late to take anything back.  This comic will break your heart.

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Beardy Loki.  Okay, he didn’t have a beard through most of Trials of Loki, but it’s so rare that he has one at all that this is kind of a big deal.  This is basically a bunch of Loki’s myths from his point of view.  He kills trolls, kills Balder, and eats fish raw.  He also spends a lot of time in a loincloth.  That’s all you need to know.

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And last on this list, Ultimates Loki.  He’s actually Odin’s son, by birth, and really, that’s all I know.  I mean, this is the universe where Balder is Donald Blake.  I really don’t like Ults, because it’s just all fucked up and wrong.  Bah.

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realterezipyrope:

person: u should like more colours

me: image

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